how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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