haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i was born a porn star she said
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
