Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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