I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
