Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
