the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
