You're completely useless in the revolution.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
