Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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