Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
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I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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