you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
