cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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