the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
