What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm at about main and main street
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
