tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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