after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Michael Bay diarrhea
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
