Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
