Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
