apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
