Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
