My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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