Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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