the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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