It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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