Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he thought i was a dude.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
