I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize