My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
