i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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