dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's never too late to be topless.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
