Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
