peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
