You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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