UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
