Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
