shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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