Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
