dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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