I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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