I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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