Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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