I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
