She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
