Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
