I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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