she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
