I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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