New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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