Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
