Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
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the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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