I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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