i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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