I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
