D3 body, D1 cock
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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