An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
