you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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