so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize