Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
