so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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