I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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