Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
