I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
