I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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