Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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