omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize