found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
