Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
