i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
