That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
