oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
why do cheetos always look like penises
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
