So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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